Like Aries slugger Jim Creighton, this fire sign kills by hitting a baseball bat so hard it ruptures their internal organs.
Taurus can choke on a bag of chips or perish from falling out of bed. King Adolf Frederick of Sweden, a champagne-sipping, pastry-loving bull, died on Mardi Gras in 1771 from gluttony.
Geminis, often distracted and scatterbrained, die while driving while texting their ex, changing the radio station, curling their eyelashes, and crushing an Adderall.
Cancer is crushed by their emotional baggage, unpaid parking tickets, torn plush animals, sweater collection, and missed aspirations.
Leo would die trying to naked on a balcony. Rulers of the fifth house of amusement, they may dance themselves to death like Strasbourg residents did in 1518.
Virgo dies of boredom, falls out of a tree, or chokes on herbal medicines and/or unpleasant disappointments.
Libra is slain by a jealous wife/husband, untreated syphilis, or botched cosmetic surgery.
Power players, witches, and rulers of the eighth house of sex, death, and other people's money are most prone to fake their own death or murder.
Sagittarius dies from a champagne cork, a half deflated bouncy castle, or laughing at themselves.
Industrious, punitive, and preoccupied with gains, capital and otherwise, Capricorn is either crushed by a falling bar bell, dies masturbating to a mattress covered
Aquarius has more head than heart, thus killing one is difficult. In classic fixed sign manner, Aquarius Gary Hoy died while trying to prove a point
Pisces, living on seawater and ether, dies of boredom or drowns in the bathtub.